No, Women Are Not the Men They Wanted To Marry!
 

Recently I read an…essay (click here) anchored to a Gloria Steinem statement entitled, "[We are] The Men We Wanted To Marry!" According to the article, today's woman has great difficulty finding an adequate mate because, in many cases, she has an education and career experience that empower her to do as much or more than her male counterpart. Oh, put a sock in it.

Unfortunately, these kinds of overtly sensational statements about the failure of men to meet the expectations of today's women rarely reflect common sense or the full dynamics of relationships. For example, there's absolutely nothing unusual about women (or men) trying to find someone who shares their values, interests, and objectives. A relationship is, after all, a joining process, not a separation. To enter into or maintain a relationship in a confrontational mode, i.e., "I make more money than you," and "I have a better job than you," and "I have more degrees and a better education than you," etc., is not a joining, it's a battle. It's a war to see who wins and, ultimately, at the expense of the relationship, and children (if there are any), and most importantly, at the expense of LOVE which, and here's the "bottom line" that was never mentioned in the…essay - "LOVE" is the primary foundation for any relationship to last. Without regard to anything else, in the absence of "LOVE" relationships often have entirely different purposes, values and expectations, and ITS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY!

Use your common sense. Of course, there was a time when men had the role of protector and provider, and rightly so. This does NOT make men better than women but simply attests to the fact that because men are typically faster and stronger, men had the role of providing protection from wild animals, capturing food, and clearing land to make homes. Yes, women also helped in this effort but the role of protector and provider was not a woman's priority, and instead, women guided and supported men in the survival of humanity by helping to create and evolve societies, and raising families. Said differently, a woman would say, "Honey, I'm cold." In response, the man would venture out into the forest, build a bridge to cross the river, develop a weapon to kill a bear, develop a tanning process to clean the pelt, and then present it to his "honey" to keep her warm. Women inspired men to build even better bridges, to create better weapons to kill more bears, and to design better and faster processes to tan pelts to take care of THEIR family. Even during these more primitive times, women (and men) still had a need to find a man (or woman) who shared their values, interests, and objectives. The conditions were different than now, but the roles were exactly the same. Let's be for real, clearly there were some men who ventured into the forest to kill the bear and got killed! And, for her own survival, his widow learned to avoid "joining" with men who didn't measure-up to her standards for building bridges, killing bears, and keeping her and her children warm. Duh.

Men and women have more "options" today than ever before, and clearly, too many women, and men, don't look far enough and deep enough before making…choices. However, the "choices" for many women are significantly reduced based on their race and age. "Marriage rates have fallen for all groups since the 1960s, but more sharply for Blacks than for Whites. In 1960, 74% of white adults were married, as were 61% of black adults. By 2011, the black marriage rate had fallen to 56% that of the white rate: 55% of whites were married, compared with 31% of blacks."

Source: Pew Research at http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/08/22/race-demographics/

From slavery to today, heterosexual relationships between Black men and women has always been a major challenge. The result? Today, the traditional Black family no longer exists, and was destroyed in part by the so-called "war on drugs" that was and is intentionally skewed to target, arrest, convict, and incarcerate more Black men than any other ethnic or racial group.

Source 1: Sentencing Project 2013, for more information, go here.
Source 2: Blackdemographics.com

 

 

As documented in a survey of nearly 11,000 women from July 24, 2002 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and reported by Laura Meckler of The Associated Press: Black women are least likely to marry and most likely to divorce, with more than half splitting within 15 years. Black women are significantly less likely to marry than White women. By age 30, 81 percent of White women have been married, whereas only 52 percent of Black women. The report notes one explanation, that there are fewer Black men considered marriage material, given their high rates of unemployment. When it comes to marriage, Black relationships have been the exception, not the norm.


FACT 1: The primary reason for "Black fathers being absent" is because politically powerful and affluent White people, primarily White men, intentionally created a country that has systematically and perpetually enslaved, oppressed, incarcerated and strategically pursued the genocide of Black men.

   

Single Parent Black Families is the standard, because Black Men are missing!

As published by the New York Times on April 20, 2015 in the "Upshot" article "1.5 Million Missing Black Men" by JUSTIN WOLFERS, DAVID LEONHARDT and KEVIN QUEALY:

Incarceration and early deaths are the overwhelming drivers of the gap. Of the 1.5 million missing black men from 25 to 54 — which demographers call the prime-age years — higher imprisonment rates account for almost 600,000. Almost 1 in 12 black men in this age group are behind bars, compared with 1 in 60 nonblack men in the age group, 1 in 200 black women and 1 in 500 nonblack women.

The black women left behind find that potential partners of the same race are scarce, while men, who face an abundant supply of potential mates, don’t need to compete as hard to find one. As a result, Mr. Charles said, “men seem less likely to commit to romantic relationships, or to work hard to maintain them.”

The imbalance has also forced women to rely on themselves — often alone — to support a household. In those states hit hardest by the high incarceration rates, African-American women have become more likely to work and more likely to pursue their education further than they are elsewhere.

The missing-men phenomenon began growing in the middle decades of the 20th century, and each government census over the past 50 years has recorded at least 120 prime-age black women outside of jail for every 100 black men. But the nature of the gap has changed in recent years.
   
   

BLACK MARRIAGE IS DOOMED TO GET WORSE, JUST LIKE THE WEALTH GAP - As researched by Derenoncourt, Chi Hyun Kim, Kuhn, and Schularick in their March 8, 2021 report, “The Racial Wealth Gap, 1860 - 2020,” the wealth gap between Blacks and Whites has never been abated, has only increased significantly; and if present trends in the data continue, the racial wealth gap is headed to a steady state with average White wealth at least five times greater than average Black wealth - even through 2260!

   


FACT 2: Without regard to race, women generally live longer than men. So, as we all get older, there are significantly more single and available women than men. Black men and Native American men have the shortest lifespan in the United States. So, Black men truly exist as a "premium," the rarest "commodity." So, if Black women or White women have an "attitude" about being with a Black man, "we" Black men can easily find another fish in the sea. Smart Black men know their worth, and avoid obese and/or racist White women and avoid obese and/or overtly attitudinal Black women. 'Nuff said.
 

Today, we live in a civilized society where there's no need for killing bears. However, as reported by Ray Moseley in his article, "World's Women Battle On," from the Chicago Tribune on Sunday, March 18, 1979 (below), even with the spread of civilization and a corresponding increase of technology an end to blatant oppression of women is absolutely no where in sight.




Plus, as validated by the continued existence of the "glass ceiling," men in the U.S. and throughout the world continue to use religion, politics, culture and tradition to oppress women. In fact, women are more likely to be found in corporate "boardrooms" in Europe and Asia than in the United States.
 


Executive opportunities for women outside of the U.S. has improved, but the "Glass Ceiling" for women in the U.S., and especially for women of color, has NOT changed.
 

However, let's not confuse the stupidity of male chauvinism or the deceitfulness of some women using sex as a weapon with an intrinsic desire for men and women to live together in harmony.

Women, and men, still want to "join" with someone who shares their values, interests, and objectives. The statement, "[We are] The Men We Wanted To Marry" is in itself a contradiction because it implies that women, who don't want a male "provider" and "protector," are still judging men on their ability to be a "provider" and "protector." Makeup your mind, damnit. Piss or get off the pot. Likewise, if White women, in particular, have evolved to become the White men they wanted to marry, then they've clearly demonstrated the same predilection to be as racist and to retain their White priviledge in American society over Black people and other minorities. Monkey see, monkey do.

It's a big mistake for women, who believe they're playing the role of a man, to think they're actually men. They're not men. White people who hang around Black people, who talk Black, dress Black, and have Black girlfriends or boyfriends are not Black. The word "nigger" is not referring to anybody White. Likewise, "bitch" and "bastard" have their own gender preferences. Oh, women work all right, own homes, and even have children. But they'll never be a daddy, no matter how much money they earn or how often they play catch with their children.

GLASS CEILING PERSISTS
   

 


Yes, these are smart, and hard working women and mothers, but that's all. Conversely, visit any family court and judges repeatedly tell both responsible and deadbeat dads that being a father is NOT just about making money or taking-care-of-business (TCB). It takes more to be a father than just being a man and, conversely, just because someone is a man doesn't necessarily make them a good father. There are too many historical examples that witness this fact. Use your common sense.

People want to be with people who compliment them, who complete them, who make them whole, and miscegenation repeatedly proves this point. A relationship is a "joining" process were two people, without regard to their age, race, sex, color, ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation or disability or income attempt to find a commonality, a oneness. Ideally, it should be anchored to love, but clearly, in today's world people "join" for all kinds of reasons. This "joining" often creates a family, and in an ideal family women and men have a variety of roles that, depending on the situation, empowers one or the other parent to be in a position of leadership, but it's not an autocracy. Ultimately, a family is a team effort and responsible women and men recognize this. For both women and men who struggle at finding the right person to "join" with it all comes down to one word: choice. Women should not blame men for their FAILURE to make good choices. The same thing applies to men.
 
 

Relationships lasted longer when survival of the human race was the MAJOR factor for "joining." But, in the absence of over population, nuclear war, destruction of our environment or other such atrocity, our survival is no longer at question. Consequently, finding the "right" person, which is not a pure science, requires women and men to use different criteria to measure and determine exactly who to "join" with. Yes, at this point in our civilization a woman can easily use her own CAD program to design her own bridge, design her own weapon, pull the trigger to kill her own bear remotely via an airborne drone, run the factory the tans it, and then wear her own bear coat. Of course, since bears are an endangered species, women guilty of this crime can also pay the fine and serve time in prison just like men, but they're still women as any woman would promptly discover if she were locked in a cell with fully functional heterosexual male prisoners! Women have ALWAYS been women, and men have ALWAYS been men. Nothing has changed! Use your common sense.

This process of "joining" merges instinct (emotion), and reason (intellect), and love can, unfortunately, make this process even murkier. Again, as documented in a survey of nearly 11,000 women from July 24, 2002 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and reported by Laura Meckler of The Associated Press, nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and 40% of second marriages end in divorce, and most divorces occur after nearly 9 years of marriage.

SOURCE: PEW RESEARCH CENTER - JANUARY 2015
 

Unfortunately, a major roadblock to "equal opportunity" is the EEOC, which is often too protective of employers and frequently not responsive to the immediate needs of employees. Unlike the overwhelming majority of employees, employers often have very deep financial pockets and will drag claims of discrimination through the local, regional and national offices of the EEOC, and then drag cases through civil courts for years if necessary. Meanwhile, the harmed employee might be unemployed or under-employed, or simply gave up. However, if you don't try, you don't get, which is why it's so important for women to challenge the status quo. Consider former Fox host Gretchen Carlson, women staff and executives at Nike, and Hunter Tylo below.

 
In 1996, actress Hunter Tylo was fired from the TV show “Melrose Place” after telling producers she was pregnant.

The 34 year old actress sued Spelling Television for claims of pregnancy discrimination, wrongful termination, and breach of contract. She sought $2.5 million in damages.

A Los Angeles jury, in December 1997, awarded Ms. Tylo $4 million for emotional distress and $1 million for economic loss.

Ms. Tylo testified that one of the Spelling producers told her: “go out and get an abortion. Then, come back to work”. “I was attacked from every side. People were telling me I would never make it, that I was hurting my career. But, I came thru all of it”.

After the jury came in with the $5 million verdict, Ms. Tylo pronounced the verdict a victory: “For every woman, for every child that’s not born. They never dreamed I would challenge them-never. No woman wants to challenge a producer in this business. You can be blackballed very easily”.

The verdict came after a month long trial. The jury, 2 men 10 women, deliberated for 4+ days before reaching the landmark verdict.

After her termination and the trial, Ms. Tylo resumed working on the daytime soap “The Bold and The Beautiful.”

Source: quora.com

Even before the social rise of the #METOO movement, it was already no longer politically and legally worthwhile for many men to marry, and many women shared this belief. Case in point:

   
FACT: The social and economic status for the overwhelming majority of women has NOT improved as a result of integration and assimilation into male-dominated business and social culture. So, if the "ideal" man sought by women is not available for whatever reason, of course, women should consider other options (age, race, sex, nationality, etc.). And no, this editorial does not address relationship "issues" involving LGBTQIBPP+QAAPX, which is more appropriately addressed here.

 

WNBA Champions vs High School Boys!
Nothing can save women's basketball		   WNBA Challenged This NBA Player & Got Humbled AGAIN
 
     
Jordan Peterson HUMBLES Woman who says men & women aren't equal yet
 
The sobering reality of equality?
 
     
             
         

What a minute!

If women truly want to be "equal," shouldn't women be expected or "required" to fight, just like men, to retain their "freedoms?" Well? Well?

Legal issues in the US The Selective Service System in the US had been previously challenged in court in Rostker v. Goldberg in 1981 and in National Coalition for Men v. Selective Service System in 2019. Both were argued in small or large part on the grounds of equal protection and due process on the basis of gender. Other court challenges to Selective Service registration have raised other issues. Professor Stephanie M. Wildman of Santa Clara Law called the decision to uphold the constitutionality of male conscription in Rostker v. Goldberg "chilling to any advocate of full societal participation". In the ensuing congressional debate, Senator Mark Hatfield argued that:

The paternalistic attitude inherent in exclusion of women from past draft registration requirements not only relieved women of the burden of military service, it also deprived them of one of the hallmarks of citizenship. Until women and men share both the rights and the obligations of citizenship, they will not be equal.

On February 22, 2019, Judge Grey H. Miller of the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Texas, USA, deciding on National Coalition for Men v. Selective Service System, declared the current male-only Selective Service registration requirement unconstitutional. That ruling was reversed by the Fifth Circuit. In June 2021, the U.S. Supreme Court declined to review the decision by the Court of Appeals. Source: Wikipedia.com

 Oh, the hypocrisy!

Men are not better than women, and women are not better than men, they are "different," and we should respect and celebrate the differences! In an "ideal" relationship a man and a woman are "partners" and their love for each other is the ultimate key to "their" success. They will jointly figure "it" out, or not. If women and men made better "choices," they could lovingly cuddle together under their imitation bear rug and do the nasty. Use your common sense and stop pointing fingers at the other sex. It all begins with you!
 


I welcome your feedback.

Trip Reynolds
trip.reynolds@yahoo.com



Reynolds' Rap
February 4, 2023
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